Daily (Dave Berry–style) Digital Life Litany for Protection, Direction and Stewardship

Caveat emptier: This post was drafted with help from an AI assistant (Perplexity)— but ideated and edited extensively by the human, Bill Acton

Wikipedia

\Lord,

I thank you for the miracle of modern technology,
which allows me to be scammed,
distracted,
and mildly outraged
24 hours a day
from the comfort of my own bathroom.

Given that this is apparently the arrangement,
please grant me some sense.

When a pop‑up tells me
I’ve “won a free iPhone,”
help me remember
that I have never in my life
won anything,
including arguments with my own family,
and this is unlikely to be the exception.

Protect my credit card
from “one‑click” checkouts,
“limited‑time offers,”
and anything advertised
with more exclamation points than actual words.

Guard my children,
who can operate a tablet
better than I can operate my own limbs,
from random strangers in comment sections
and from becoming random strangers
in comment sections.

Teach me to log off
when my mood
can be accurately described as “reading the comments.”
At that point,
nothing good is going to happen
except possibly a stroke.

And let my stewardship of this digital circus
include at least a little humor
and a few wise choices—

so that when my data inevitably
escapes into the wild,
it finds a person behind it
who has learned,
however slowly,
to be careful,
kind,
and occasionally
not a complete idiot.

AI‑assisted creative work: This litany is an imaginative parody pastiche using generative AI. It imitates the public persona of [Dave Berry] for commentary and devotional reflection. It is not created by or affiliated with [Dave Berry], and should not be taken as his real views or words.

wracton@gmail.com
williamacton.legalshieldassociate.com (Legalshield and IDshield subscription information and applying for associate positions)